The Girl-Friend Breakup! Can we talk about it?
Updated: Sep 11, 2021
“You wanted me to validate your emotions and I’m not the one to do that. You should’ve called one of your little friends for that!”
When I heard these words for the first time from someone I trusted with probably one of the most vulnerable moments in our relationship, I felt like I had been asleep and someone threw a cold glass of water on my face. I was straight up confused and the fact that this statement was coming from “family” made the situation even worse. It definitely changed the way I viewed this person and myself moving forward. I had some changes to make and the first one was to make the cut!
So... I didn’t cut this person out of my life, although this meme is pretty darn hilarious. Instead I cut my expectations, trust and efforts and moved the hell on with a whole new set of boundaries. I begin to see the person for who they were and deal with them accordingly. Was this an easy process, NOPE! TBH it was hard as hell.
In my mind at the time, I was doing everything I could do to be the bigger person and when that’s not reciprocated and you’re disrespected in the process oh, it stings. I was real-life hurt. I felt like I had gone about the situation in the most delicate way possible to make room for this person in my life. I had put in extra effort to open the lines of communication and took a LOT of pettiness in the process but honey, that was it!
I’m sharing this story because all too often we talk about how we’ve been hurt by men and how to cope with boyfriend breakups but not often enough do we talk about the other side of nasty breakups. GIRL-FRIEND breakups! This incident was a little different as I mentioned earlier that this person was “family”. This fact alone made me expect more from her in this situation. While I couldn’t ghost her altogether I did realign my expectations, boundaries and became less accessible. I see people now for who they show me they are. Period.
This wasn’t the only time I had experienced a girl-friend breakup. Each time I learned more about myself and the other person. The truth of the matter is, we all live in our own realities. No matter how much you think you know about a person, if that’s not being communicated clearly in the relationship, you’ll miss something and eventually it’ll surface in sometimes the ugliest way possible.
We’re often given many resources on what to do when you go through a boyfriend breakup but what do we do when we are dealing with our lady friends? Here are some steps I took in this instance and others that have saved me time, energy and spared my feelings.
Breathe - A lot of times our emotions get involved and can cause us to over react. In those moments we say things we don’t mean OR we don’t say what we mean. In any case, you want to be able to walk away from the relationship with a clean heart and mind if you can help it. So let the situation breathe before trying to hash it all out and say what you mean to say!
Own your part but don’t overcompensate! - We’d like to think that we never do anything wrong but that’s not the case. If you contributed to the problem acknowledge that BUT do not take the blame for everything. In most cases you are not THE problem just PART of the problem.
Be clear - Going back to #1 SAY WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY! Voice your feelings and your expectations. Get out everything you need to say, respectfully.
Move on - If you’ve done steps 1-4, take your peace and your energy along with everything else and GO!
HEAL - #thatsall
Of course, we know every situation is different and may require different action. Use your better judgement and try to get out of the situation with the least number of mental/emotional bruises possible for you and the other person. It’s not as easy as I made it sound but it’s worth your sanity, integrity and happiness <3
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